I Want To Be Happy. What should I do?

For a long time, I struggled to find happiness. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I always felt like something was missing. I want to be happy. Yes, I just want to be happy for a little while, and I could never understand how other people seemed to be so content with their lives when I was constantly plagued by feelings of dissatisfaction and emptiness.

It wasn’t until I started to take a step back and reflect on my life that I realized the source of my unhappiness wasn’t external, but rather internal. I was constantly comparing myself to others and chasing after unattainable goals, without ever taking the time to appreciate what I already had. Once I started to shift my focus towards gratitude and mindfulness, I found that happiness wasn’t something that I needed to chase after, but rather something that I could cultivate within myself.

It wasn’t an easy journey, but learning to be happy has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

We constantly try to chase happiness, just like how a dog constantly chases its tail, never realizing that it’s actually a part of you all along. We have happiness within ourselves, it’s just that we are too clouded by ignorance to realize it.

Here is a list of 20 little things you can do to start realizing that happiness is right from within you, and there is no need to find it in the external world.

1. Practice gratitude – write down three things you’re grateful for each day.

When you focus on the things that you are grateful for, you shift your attention away from negative thoughts and feelings and instead cultivate positive emotions like joy, contentment, and appreciation. You consciously tell yourself to find the little beautiful things you encountered in your day and note them down. Sometimes we take things for granted and forget the fact that being able to peacefully breathe in and breathe out once every few seconds is already a huge blessings. It’s not about neglecting and ignoring your challenges. It’s about creating for yourself a little checkpoint in the day to reflect and appreciate that you are still alive, still thriving, still being able to carry on despite all of the things you face.

Scientifically speaking, gratitude has been linked to a range of physical and psychological benefits, such as improved sleep, reduced stress, and increased optimism. It can also help strengthen your relationships with others by increasing feelings of connection and empathy. When you seek things to be grateful for, you actively associate the event and activity with a feeling of tranquility and peace, even during the toughest of times.

Gratitude can help you cultivate a more positive outlook on life, leading to increased resilience and greater overall life satisfaction.

2. Engage in physical activity that you enjoy, whether it’s going for a walk or taking a yoga class.

Physical activity heals your mind. That’s for sure. If you have ever done some workout consistently for a few weeks, you’ll notice that there is a very distinct high that comes with working out.

Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural chemicals in your body that promote feelings of pleasure and happiness. Additionally, regular physical activity can help reduce stress and anxiety, improve your mood, and increase your energy levels. And, also, working out makes you look better, which in turn boosts your confidence significantly, which again has a positive ripple effect on all aspects of your life.

Finding an activity that you enjoy is key, as it can help you stay motivated and make exercise feel less like a chore. It’s also important to note that physical activity doesn’t have to be intense or strenuous to be beneficial. You are not training hard-core for an Olympic competition. Even low-impact activities like walking, swimming, or gentle yoga can have significant physical and mental health benefits. However, if you do want to set a challenge for yourself, feel free to face it head-on.

Regular exercise has also been linked to a range of long-term health benefits, such as reducing your risk of chronic diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. By incorporating physical activity into your daily routine, you can not only improve your overall health and happiness, but also increase your quality of life in the long run.

3. Spend time with loved ones and make an effort to deepen your connections with them.

Spending time with loved ones and nurturing our relationships with them is an essential aspect of our human experience. It is through our connections with others that we find meaning, joy, and a sense of belonging in the world.

When we make an effort to deepen our connections with loved ones, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. We learn more about ourselves through the mirror of their eyes and we come to appreciate the things that make us unique. We find support and encouragement when we need it most, and we may offer the same in return. After all, life is fragile, and it’s better to embrace it while you still can.

In the presence of loved ones, we experience a sense of warmth and comfort that we may not find anywhere else. Whether we are laughing together, sharing stories, or simply sitting in silence, being with those we love can help us feel more grounded and connected to the world around us.

Furthermore, deepening our connections with loved ones can help us develop greater empathy and understanding for others. As we learn more about their perspectives, experiences, and struggles, we become better equipped to navigate the complexities of our own lives with grace and compassion.

The values of family is not too emphasized in American cultures, but in Latin American and especially Asian cultures, family is forever, and it is the greatest misfortune to be separated from one’s family. Being family oriented is actually amazing! Learning how to nurture the relationship with your family is a real skill that one should develop.

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4. Develop a daily meditation practice to help calm your mind and reduce stress.

Meditation is a powerful tool that can help us achieve greater clarity, focus, and inner peace. In a world that is increasingly fast-paced and stressful, developing a daily meditation practice is more important than ever. By taking just a few minutes each day to sit in silence and connect with our breath, we can tap into a wellspring of inner calm and tranquility.

At its core, meditation is a practice of presence and awareness. It invites us to slow down, quiet our minds, and simply be with ourselves in the present moment. In doing so, we can develop a greater sense of inner peace and a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

Meditation is being aware of creation and destruction. Through meditation, we silence the constant chattering in our mind and observe the constant cycle of creation and destruction that is at play in our lives and in the world around us. Our breath rises and subsides. Our thoughts pop up and vanish. Our emotions surge and retreat. Nothing really exists forever. They all come and go, leaving almost no trace. The only thing remaining is merely an “imprint”, an impression of what used to exist.

With this knowledge, we can be more present and calm. We realize that stress is all but a cycle of creation and destruction that we can have control over. Meditation can magically free your mind of these uncomfortable experience and give you that sense of tranquility you never know you deserve.

5. Take breaks from social media and technology to give yourself a mental break.

You see, our minds and spirits need moments of rest and rejuvenation to stay healthy and balanced. When we’re constantly plugged in and scrolling through feeds, we’re bombarded with a never-ending stream of information and stimulation. It can be easy to get lost in the noise and lose touch with our inner selves.

That’s where taking breaks comes in. After disconnecting from social media and technology, we can give ourselves a chance to recharge and refocus. We can turn our attention inward, listen to our hearts, and connect with the deeper truths that guide us on our paths. When we’re not constantly distracted by notifications and alerts, we can fully immerse ourselves in the beauty of the present moment.

Moreover, taking breaks from technology can help us cultivate deeper connections with others. When we’re not constantly checking our phones or scrolling through feeds, we can give our full attention to the people around us. We can have deeper conversations, share meaningful experiences, and cultivate a sense of community and belonging.

6. Set achievable goals for yourself and celebrate your progress along the way.

Celebrating progress doesn’t have to be a grandiose affair – it can be as simple as acknowledging the small victories along the way. Did you complete a difficult task at work? Take a moment to recognize the effort you put in and the skills you utilized. Did you make progress towards a personal goal? Celebrate the steps you took to get there, no matter how small they may seem.

There’s the simple math that if you do something to make yourself only 1% better than yourself of yesterday, you will be 37 times better by the end of the year. Of course, you should not stress this “self-development” practice and mindlessly chase activities to “grow” without having any idea of where you should go. Rather, progress with purpose.

Develop a plan. Know that you’re going to do this, build that, change this, or simply incorporate a new activity into your daily life to make your day more exciting. You don’t always see the results. Even, you don’t always see “tangible” results. This is can be disheartening after a while, but remember that you are here for the experience, not for the result. Aim for progress, but enjoy the ride of progress. Don’t wait until you receive the final reward to celebrate. Celebrate every small step along the way. Celebrate the fact that you are following a path that you chose for yourself. Celebrate that you are here to enjoy what you are doing.

7. Don’t expect results

As we’ve just mention: do not expect results. Rather, enjoy the experience at its fullest.

The Bhagavad Gita, one of the greatest spiritual texts of all time, teaches us the wisdom of non-attachment to the results of our actions. It encourages us to focus on the present moment and enjoy the experience, rather than becoming attached to the outcome and the fruits of our labor.

When we become too attached to results, we can become consumed with anxiety and stress. We may obsess over whether we will achieve our desired outcome or not, and lose sight of the joy and fulfillment that comes from simply engaging in the process. This attachment can also lead to disappointment or disillusionment if we don’t achieve the results we hoped for.

On the other hand, by letting go of our attachment to results, we can experience a sense of freedom and liberation. We can approach our tasks and endeavors with a sense of joy and playfulness, enjoying the experience of the journey itself. This allows us to fully engage in the present moment and to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life.

As the Bhagavad Gita teaches us, we should focus on our duty or dharma, rather than the fruits of our labor. We should engage in our actions with pure intention, without worrying about the outcome. When we let go of our attachment to results, we can find peace and contentment within ourselves, regardless of the external circumstances.

In the words of the Bhagavad Gita, “You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your activities, nor be attached to inaction.” So my friend, let us embrace the wisdom of non-attachment and find joy in the journey, without worrying about the results.

8. Find hobbies or activities that bring you joy and make time for them regularly.

If you’re young and still not relatively burdened with responsibilities, having a hobby is almost a must. However, as we step into adulthood, many drop the hobby that they once cherished so much to make time for other “adult” responsibilities, most commonly being work and career. Here are some tips to make time for the hobby of your good ol’ days as a person busy with work:

1. Reflect on your interests: Think about the things that interest you or that you have enjoyed doing in the past. This can include things like cooking, hiking, painting, or playing an instrument. Consider making a list of these activities to help you brainstorm ideas.

2. Try something new: Be open to trying new things, even if they’re outside of your comfort zone. You may discover a new hobby that brings you joy and fulfillment, and find out new parts of yourself that you never know exist. Consider taking a class or trying out a new activity with a friend.

3. Schedule time for your hobbies: Just like any other commitment, it’s essential to schedule time for your hobbies. Make them a priority in your schedule and treat them as important appointments.

4. Start small: Don’t feel like you need to commit to a large project or activity right away. Start small, and gradually build up your skills and confidence. This can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed or discouraged.

5. Be consistent: Regularly engaging in your hobbies can help you build momentum and stay motivated. Even if you can only devote a small amount of time each day, consistency is key.

9. Get enough sleep and prioritize self-care.

Sleep is a time of deep rest and rejuvenation, where the body and mind have the opportunity to heal and recharge. When we prioritize sleep, we honor our body’s natural rhythms and give ourselves the space we need to fully restore ourselves. We tend to sacrifice our sleep for many other things, but it’s true that lack of sleep is exactly self-sabotaging.

Self-care, on the other hand, is about taking deliberate action to care for our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. This can include things like taking a relaxing bath, caring for your body, dressing well, practicing yoga, or spending time in nature. It can also be as simple as giving yourself a pat on the back for anything you accomplish no matter how small and insignificant it seems. When we prioritize self-care, we demonstrate a deep commitment to our own well-being and create a foundation of inner strength and resilience that allows us to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and grace.

In spiritual terms, sleep and self-care are not just practical necessities – they are also powerful tools for deepening our connection to our higher selves and the divine. Carl Jung has always emphasized the power of the subconscious mind and how dreams reflect a great part of your psyche, and dream journaling is actually a wonderful way to explore your inner world. Also, when we take care of our bodies and minds, we are subtly telling ourselves that our body is sacred and valuable, allowing for more positive energy to flow into it.

As spiritual teacher Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “To take good care of ourselves means to take care of the One who is within us, and the One who is within us is the Buddha.” Let us make sleep and self-care a priority, and honor the sacred temple of our bodies with reverence and care.

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10. Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment and being fully engaged in what you’re doing.

Have you ever been sooooo engaged and fully focused in whatever activity you are doing that you forget your surrounding? That is the state of Flow, and we should strive to achieve this state of Flow in our daily work to significantly boost our levels of satisfaction and productivity at the same time. Some also refer to it as “Deep Work”.

The concept was introduced by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in 1975, and it has since become a popular area of research in the field of positive psychology. The state of flow typically occurs when an individual is engaged in a task that is challenging but achievable and requires a high level of skill. During this state, individuals often lose track of time and become completely immersed in the activity. The activity itself becomes intrinsically rewarding, and the individual experiences a sense of control, concentration, and enjoyment.

To achieve flow, it is important to find a balance between the level of challenge and skill required for the task. If the task is too easy, the individual may become bored, while if it is too difficult, they may become anxious or frustrated. Here is a checklist of things you need to do to enter the “Flow” state:

• Choose an activity you actually enjoy, or at least fairly capable of doing. It should fairly challenge you, but not overly difficult that you can’t accomplish it. If it’s a difficult task then you can break it down to smaller task to conquer one by one
• Set goals
• Throw the future and the results out of your mind. Focus solely on the present
• Eliminate distractions
• There should be a feedback system to let you know that you accomplish the task at what level of accuracy
• Relaxed and breathe. Don’t stress yourself out, or else you won’t enter the Flow state

Remember that achieving flow is a highly personal experience, so it may take some trial and error to find the right activity and level of challenge that works best for you. With patience, practice, and persistence, you can enter a flow state and enjoy the many benefits it provides.

11. Volunteer your time to help others and give back to your community.

When we give back to our community and help others in need, we tap into the power of our heart and connect with something greater than ourselves. We feel a sense of joy, peace, and curiosity that can’t be found through material possessions or personal achievements. Volunteering and participating in charitable activities is spreading your care to others, planting a seed of love in more souls in this world.

Volunteering is also an amazing way to address some of the most pressing social, economic, and environmental issues of our time, from poverty and inequality to climate change and biodiversity loss. By contributing our time and energy to these causes, we can make a meaningful difference in the lives of others.

12. Spend time in nature and connect with the world around you.

We are all interconnected with all beings in nature. The intricate web of life that surrounds us is not just a physical manifestation, but a spiritual one as well. The essence of every living being is connected to the same source, and this cosmic energy flows through each and every one of us.

This interconnectedness means that every action we take has a ripple effect that goes far beyond what we can see or comprehend. When we harm the environment, we are not just harming the physical world around us, but we are also damaging our own spiritual being. When we disregard the needs and wellbeing of other living beings, we are also neglecting our own spiritual growth and development.

Spending time in nature can be a deeply spiritual and transformative experience. When we immerse ourselves in the natural world, we are reminded of our own connection to the earth and to all living beings. We are reminded of our place in the world and our responsibility to care for and protect the environment.

But spending time in nature is not just about connecting with the outside world. It is also about reconnecting with ourselves. In our busy and often chaotic lives, we can become disconnected from our true selves, our inner voice, and our deepest desires. We can become caught up in the stress of everyday life and lose sight of what is truly important.

Nature provides us with a space to slow down, to reflect, and to reconnect with ourselves on a deeper level. It allows us to quiet the noise of the outside world and listen to the whispers of our own inner voice. It provides us with a sense of peace, clarity, and perspective that can be difficult to find in our fast-paced and technology-driven world.

13. Eat a healthy and balanced diet that fuels your body and mind.

We are what we eat. Our bodies are complex biological systems that require a variety of nutrients to function properly. Every time we eat, we are fueling our bodies with the building blocks they need to repair and grow new tissues, maintain a healthy immune system, and regulate our bodily functions.

Highly processed foods that are high in sugar, salt, and unhealthy fats can lead to inflammation, obesity, and a range of chronic diseases. In contrast, whole foods that are rich in vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants can nourish our bodies and support optimal health and wellbeing. It is not easy to eat healthy food all the time because they are…not that tasty, but we can gradually shift our diet.

14. Practice self-compassion and speak to yourself kindly.

Suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience and responding to oneself with warmth and acceptance. It is not a form of self-pity or self-indulgence. Rather, it is a way of relating to oneself with greater wisdom, kindness, and resilience. Treat yourself with the same care and understanding that you would offer to a good friend.

When you notice self-critical thoughts or feelings, try responding to yourself with words of comfort and encouragement. This practice can be challenging and unnatural at first, but through consistent meditation practice, you’ll be more aware of moments where you are harsh and critical on yourself, then learn to shift your perspective and reframe your negative self-talk.

Also, regularly remind yourself that you are not alone in your struggles and that it is part of the human experience to make mistakes and face difficulties.

15. Learn to manage your stress through deep breathing, yoga, or other relaxation techniques.

When you take slow, deep breaths, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to calm your body and reduce the physiological effects of stress and anxiety, such as increased heart rate and rapid breathing. Deep breathing can also help to improve your lung function by increasing the amount of oxygen that enters your lungs, bettering your immune system against breathing-related diseases.

Here is a quick video on guided deep breathing for you to try:

16. Set boundaries with others to protect your time and energy.

When you set boundaries, you are essentially drawing a line in the sand and communicating to others what you are and are not willing to tolerate. By doing so, you are protecting your energy and preserving your personal space, which can be crucial to feeling balanced and grounded. If you have loose boundaries, you end up taking more “things” than you can handle. In extreme cases, you may even have to shoulder things that you don’t want to do.

As a result, you feel overwhelmed, stressed, and drained, as you struggle to keep up with the demands of others while neglecting your own needs. Over time, this can lead to burnout, feelings of resentment, and a loss of motivation and passion for the things that once brought you joy.

In addition to the physical and emotional toll that failing to set boundaries can take on your well-being, it can also erode your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. When you constantly put others’ needs before your own, you may begin to feel like your own needs and desires don’t matter, or that you are not deserving of the same respect and consideration that you give to others. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and a sense of disconnection from yourself and others.

Setting boundaries with others can be challenging, especially if you are used to putting others’ needs before your own. However, learning to communicate your needs and expectations clearly is an essential part of protecting your energy, maintaining healthy relationships, and living a fulfilling life. Here are some steps you can take to set boundaries with others:

1. Identify your needs: Before you can set boundaries with others, it’s important to know what your needs and priorities are. Take some time to reflect on what’s important to you and what you need to feel happy, healthy, and fulfilled.

2. Communicate your needs clearly: Once you know what your needs are, communicate them clearly and directly to others. This may involve saying “no” to requests that don’t align with your priorities, setting limits on the amount of time or energy you are willing to give to others, or expressing your feelings when someone crosses a boundary.

3. Be assertive but respectful: When setting boundaries, it’s important to be assertive and clear, but also respectful of others’ feelings and needs. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs, and avoid blaming or shaming others.

4. Follow through: Once you’ve set a boundary, it’s important to follow through on it. This may mean saying “no” to a request that doesn’t align with your priorities, or gently but firmly reminding someone of the boundary you’ve set if they attempt to cross it.

5. Practice self-care: Setting boundaries can be emotionally challenging, so it’s important to take care of yourself during the process. Practice self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature to help you stay grounded and centered.

On a side note, don’t set too much boundaries and become a “no” man. Sometimes being a “yes” man is also an exhilarating experience that you should try once in your life. At the end of the day, it’s about moderation.

17. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

Positive and supportive people can provide us with emotional support, encouragement, and motivation. They can help us see our strengths and potential, and provide constructive feedback when needed. They can also serve as role models, inspiring us to achieve our goals and pursue our passions.

Prioritize quality over quantity. It is challenging to maintain relationships and connect deeply with too many people at once. The further away a person is from your social circle in which you are the center, the more loosely connected you are with each other. Identify the true relationships that matter to you and consolidate them. These people should have values that align with yours, and purposes that either are the same or complementary to yours.

Of course, this is not about burning bridges, but about identifying the positive and negative influences in your life, making sure that you develop the right relationships.

18. Cultivate a sense of purpose by finding meaning in your work

Not everyone love their work, although it is a huge part of our life. We see work as an enslavement, robbing away our 8 hours and probably 2 hours of commute a day. We dream of independence from work, or at least, a healthy sense of work-life balance given by the employer.

There is an interesting concept called work-life integration. We see work as a part of our life and cultivate a sense of purpose by finding little tidbits of joy in our work. Unlike the traditional view of work-life balance, which implies a separation between the two, work-life integration suggests a more holistic approach that integrates work and personal life into a seamless whole.

The idea is that work and personal life are not two separate spheres that need to be kept in balance, but rather are interconnected and interdependent. This approach recognizes that work and personal life are not always separate, and that work can be an essential part of a fulfilling life.

Work-life integration is about finding a way to integrate work and personal life in a way that works for you. It’s about creating a schedule that allows you to pursue your personal goals and interests while still being productive at work. It’s also about creating a work culture that supports work-life integration by offering flexible work arrangements, encouraging work-life balance, and providing resources for employees to achieve work-life integration.

If I want to be happy with my job and not see it as a burden, I need to start by defining what work-life integration means. This will involve identifying our personal goals and priorities and determining how work fits into our overall life plan. It may also involve exploring new ways of working, such as telecommuting or flexible work arrangements, and seeking out resources and support from our employer.

Ultimately, work-life integration is about creating a way of life that works for you. It’s about finding a balance that allows you to pursue your personal goals and interests while still being productive and successful at work. By adopting a more integrated approach to work and personal life, you can achieve greater happiness, fulfillment, and success in all areas of your life.

19. Try shadow work

Shadow work is a concept that originates from Carl Jung psychology and refers to the process of exploring and integrating the darker, hidden parts of our psyche. These can include repressed emotions, unresolved traumas, fears, and negative patterns of behavior that we may not be consciously aware of. By bringing these unconscious aspects of ourselves to light and working through them, we can cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and personal growth.

One way to approach shadow work is through self-reflection and introspection. This involves taking the time to identify and explore your own patterns of behavior, emotional triggers, and core beliefs. You may also want to examine your past experiences and relationships to identify any unresolved traumas or negative patterns that may be affecting your current behavior. If you’re interested in exploring your shadow self, here are some steps you can take to get started:

1. Set the intention to explore your shadow self. Acknowledge that this may be a challenging process, but that you’re committed to it for the sake of your personal growth.

2. Start with self-reflection. Take some time to examine your own patterns of behavior, emotional triggers, and core beliefs. Reflect on your past experiences and relationships to identify any unresolved traumas or negative patterns that may be affecting your current behavior.

3. Identify specific issues or emotions that you want to work on. This may include fears, negative self-talk, or unresolved emotions from past experiences.

4. Practice self-compassion throughout the process. Remember that exploring your shadow self can be uncomfortable, and it’s important to be kind 5. and patient with yourself as you work through difficult emotions.

5. Consider working with a therapist or counselor. A trained mental health professional can help guide you through the process of identifying and processing unresolved emotions, traumas, and negative patterns of behavior.

6. Journal about your experiences. Writing can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and can help you process your thoughts and emotions.

7. Practice mindfulness and meditation. These practices can help you stay present with difficult emotions and experiences and can help you cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness.

8. Engage in creative expression. Art, music, or other forms of creative expression can help you tap into your unconscious and explore your shadow self in a non-judgmental way.

Remember, shadow work is a deeply personal process, and there’s no right or wrong way to approach it. The most important thing is to approach this process with self-compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to learn and grow.

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20. Learn something new

Have you ever felt that “eye-opening” moment when you learn something new and you actually “get” the concept and it was as if you unlocked a new pathway in your brain? That’s kinda how it feels like to constantly unlock new knowledge.

For example, let’s say you’ve always wanted to learn to play the guitar. You sign up for lessons and start practicing regularly. As you progress, you start to notice that you’re getting better and better at playing, which can give you a sense of pride and accomplishment. As your skills improve, you may feel more confident in your ability to take on new challenges and tackle difficult tasks.

This boost in confidence can spill over into other areas of your life as well. When you’re more confident in your abilities, you may feel more comfortable taking risks, speaking up in meetings, or pursuing new opportunities. You may also feel more resilient in the face of setbacks or failures, knowing that you have the skills and knowledge to overcome them.

Learning something new can also help you develop a growth mindset, which is the belief that your abilities can be developed and improved over time. When you approach new challenges with a growth mindset, you’re more likely to see them as opportunities for learning and growth, rather than as threats to your self-esteem. This can help you build resilience and adaptability, which are key traits for success in both your personal and professional life.

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